Sometimes I think we are too busy and doing too many things at once. Just a couple days ago Matt left to go to Nellis and we are officially done with day 2 of the 17 days he'll be gone. 17 days is nothing compared to anything more and I've done more including the 6 month deployment which actually lasted longer than 180 days so longer than 6 months. Every time was hard in it's own way, the first time he went on a DET it was just me no babies or anything and that was the hardest. The second time I was pregnant and miserable! The third time I had a 5 month old, fourth time was last year before deployment and I had a 1 and 3 year old and was in YUMA, this time I have a 2 and 4 year old and I'm in YUMA!
Each time there are different emotions involved and each time I've cried at the squadron while telling him goodbye, never anything horrible, but always at least one tear. This time I didn't, I felt like I was, but nothing I was sick to my stomach and when I left and got home and laid the kids down for a nap. I lost it I cried almost as bad as I did when he left for Afghanistan and then I calmed down and thought about it. Why was this the reaction? I knew he was coming back in 17 days I know when he is coming back and now about what time he will be back. It's right around the corner and nothing has changed except I'm not going to see him in person. He even has his cell phone and we've done face time.
I then realized it will never be the same as before and the drop off for Afghanistan has forever changed the way I will act when dropping him off for anything other than a deployment. For me, my mind has learned to almost shut off which tells me two things I'm coping in an appropriate way but always that the love I have for this amazing man is so strong and the thought of not being with him in numbing, physically I felt like I could lay on the couch till he got back not moving or feeling a thing. I then made a decision no matter what happens in this crazy life we live I do not want to go through another deployment, but I know that I am able to and able to do so knowing that the way I cope is okay.
I will be glad when he is home, and even though I know it'll be over before I know it I will try to stay busy enough and go to bed early enough to pass the time. So, the kids are taking swimming lessons the week of the 18th if I can get a spot since it's first come first serve. And Matthew will be going to vacation Bible school every night next week and I think it will be good for him. I will be working out, cleaning, playing and doing school. My life is short of boring, I sometimes miss boring, but that wouldn't be my life anymore so I'm good with the screaming and yelling, the fighting and crying and the wonderful thing of NAP TIME!!! Until next time....
