Limbo......
lim·bo
1 [lim-boh] Show IPA
noun, plural lim·bos.
1.
( often initial capital letter ) Roman Catholic Theology . a region on the border of hell or heaven, serving as the abode after death of unbaptized infants (limbo of infants) and of the righteous who died before the coming of Christ (limbo of the fathers or limbo of the patriarchs).
2.
a place or state of oblivion to which persons or things are regarded as being relegated when cast aside, forgotten, past, or out of date: My youthful hopes are in the limbo of lost dreams.
3.
an intermediate, transitional, or midway state or place.
4.
a place or state of imprisonment or confinement.
So, there are many definitions for Limbo I personally am going through the third defintion, but it feels more like #4.
We still don't know anything and on top of the stress that we are going through by not knowing we have EVERYONE calling to see if we've heard anything. Family I understand calling but we have people we are friends with calling to find out too. When we find out we will either IMMEDIATELY call EVERYONE because we will be so excited that we got orders to anywhere but here and that Matt won't have to go on another deployment or we will slowly call and tell people because we will be expirencing a wide range of emotions that we might not know how to swallow.
I'm so irritated seeing my husband going through all that he is over no fault of his own he is having to face the fact that after all we've done and been through we might be shutting the door on this chapter of our lives with not even so much as a thank you or an option to stay in. I guess in a way you have to know this could happen, but I definitely didn't see it happening this soon or the way it is.
But we are trying the best we can to keep living our lifes while 500 hundred things are going on. My bottom line is that I'm packing and going to school and loving the most important people in my life. No matter what happens I'm leaving Yuma in 2 months, 4 months, 6 months.... I'm leaving and I'm going to be with the other people who matter to us and although I'm excited to get out of here the not knowing how long it'll be for and if my husband is going to deploy is eating me alive.
It's insanely hard to imagine us going through another deployment with even MORE miles in between us. Not knowing how long that deployment will last is even more depressing. I'm excited to know if it happens I will have my family to help me, but I'm not one bit excited about being away from my husband for possbily 6-10 months. Not seeing him in person, or being able to hug him. It breaks my heart to think about it, because I can't tell you how many hugs I got while he was in Afghanistan, but none of them replaced the fact that I needed one from him and I just couldn't have it.
For any of my family who does read this no matter what winds up happening please know that I want you to see the kids and spend time with them and you are more than welcome to take them while we are in Alabama, but if I want to come see you and I'm not bringing the kids please don't take it personal, it's not that I want my mom to have them or for you to not see them it means that I need to not be mom for awhile and just enjoy your company.
I miss so very much drinking coffee and talking for HOURS all the way into the early morning with my mother in law. It's the one thing I wish I could do more often because those times were so very special to me. So, no matter what happens I just don't want to hurt anyones feelings I just need a break from being mom and my two keep things funny, and crazy and sometimes especially without Matt it's all just too much. Hopefully I can write tomorrow and tell everyone GREAT news.
Until then, I bought TAPOUTXT last night, it looks like this:
Matt and I are excited to start this and it should be here like next Tuesday at the latest. So, when it gets here I will be uploading and starting my weightloss blog. I'm hoping by making it public it'll help me stick to this journey I'm on!
~Erica
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